


Keep It Simple, Stupid

by PepperF



Series: Heavy-Handed [2]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-01
Updated: 2010-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-09 20:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperF/pseuds/PepperF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hammond's had it up to here with this stuff. Seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep It Simple, Stupid

"Aliens made you do it." A pause. "Aliens."

Sam exchanged a look with the Colonel. "Well, technically—"

"YES, sir," said the Colonel. "Aliens. All their fault. Pesky aliens, you know what they're like, always messing around with our brains. The Ancients have a particular yen for scrambling mine. And remember Urgo? All that singing..." He trailed off under General Hammond's heavy stare.

Slowly, the General turned his gaze on Sam, and she felt the urge to squirm. And the rising urge to confess all. Oh, god, she was going to do it – she was going to tell the General that it was all her fault, any moment now her mouth was going to open and— 

"Very well," said the General, moments before she spoke. "You will not be brought up on charges at this time."

He glared down at the incriminating stills from the security camera that were spread across his desk (there was rather a good one of the moment just after the Colonel had swept all the stuff off her desk that Sam was just itching to take), and the Colonel took the opportunity to shoot her his Carter-don't-you-DARE look. She returned a rather desperate but-sir-it's-the-GENERAL. Hammond looked up before they could finish the debate, and their heads snapped front and centre. He narrowed his eyes at them. 

"But this is the absolute last time, people. No more experiments, no more mindstamps, no more technology, no more ceremonies or rituals, no more _pollen_ – and no more pretending to be married!" He pointed a stern finger at Sam. "The next time someone asks if you're married, Major, you point them at Teal'c – or failing that, Dr Jackson. That's an order!"

"Yes, sir," said Sam, sulkily. It wasn't like she went out of her way to be 'married' to the Colonel, after all. Aliens just kept jumping to conclusions...

"And as for you, Colonel—"

"Vows of celibacy all the way, sir," said the Colonel, raising his hands placatingly. 

"Damn right. Or I'll have you tell people you're a eunuch." The General closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yessir," they chorused, obediently. 

"Good. Now get the hell out of my office!"

And this time, Sam swore, as she followed the Colonel out, she really, _really_ meant it.

Really.

"Hey, Carter, wanna go check out those plants SG-12 brought back? Daniel said we had to see them, they're really cool..."

\---

END.


End file.
